I obviously took a break from blogging. I also took a break in my 40-day challenge.
RA is really a manic disease. While most of the time I feel great and something like yoga only does an RA body good, out of nowhere this disease can bring me down. Hard. And during this challenge I had been on SUCH a high, feeling so great and proud of my body for pushing through, I wasn't really prepared for what this 40-day challenge would look like if I had a flare ( a bout of disease symptoms). But I did have a flare and I dealt with it the best way I know how. Sleeping 10-15 hours a day and battling on-going fatigue plus joint cramps is never fun, but I've gotten through it and I'm on the upswing. Getting back into classes just in time for the 3rd and last leg of this race.
There are some great Yoga resources out there to support me (and YOU!) when getting to class just isn't an option. Below are some fantastic ways to continue a yoga practice, whether it is Asanas, Meditation, Visualization or just Education.
YogaGlo.com: YogaGlo is an online community of classes you can enjoy from the comfort of your own home. It's extremely affordable and there are SO MANY classes to choose from, led by truly amazing yoga teachers. If you're thinking about Yoga but are unsure if it's for you, try this affordable option and take the opportunity to try as many different classes as you have time for.
Yoga Journal: Yoga Journal is like the NPR of Yoga. Anything you'd like to know about it can be found here, including articles and updates, plus inspiring stories. When I talk abut Asanas, I usually link it to a pose on Yoga Journal because their pictures and instruction are so easy to understand.
Snatum Kaur: Snatum Kaur's voice is nothing short of magical. This music can truly transform a yoga practice of Asana and/or Meditation. Her lifelong (literally) yoga journey is amazing and inspiring and can be read here. I would encourage anyone seeking healing and practice through music to purchase some of her music.
Spirit Voyage: Spirit Voyage is the music mega-store of Yoga and Meditation music. Plus, you can find other cool yoga stuff there too, such a clothes and props. Great choices and affordable prices!
The Secret Power of Yoga: A great read that has joined me in this 40-day challenge. This book is special because it is the first time a woman has translated the Yoga Sutras. A very inspiring and uplifting read, Secret Power is a great way to understand the "how and why" of Yoga.
Going To Pieces Without Falling Apart: Someone gave me this book 15 years ago and it still sits next to my bed, there when I need a little perspective. Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart: A Buddhist Perspective on Wholeness by Dr. Mark Epstein is not a book intended to convert you to Buddhism. Rather, it serves more as a guide on how to live life more wholly, to forgive ourselves when we fail and to find valuable lessons in everything we do, even the mistakes. LOVE THIS BOOK. While it's not about Yoga directly, it is a great guide to creating a mindset of peace and understanding, both assets to any Yoga practice.
Thank you for your patience during my journey and for continuing to follow it, bumps in the road and all. I hope you are inspired to find a little peace and understanding in your life and feel like you have a good handful of resources to do so!
Namaste.
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Friday, April 8, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Big Expectations and Little Victories: Part 2
What's not a good idea is holding all of this newly discovered mental suitcase full of previously mentioned emotions inside. I didn't know really who to talk to about it, but of course and as usual, the Universe took care of that for me. A conversation with my co-worker/friend/fellow yoga gal Meredith turned into a really awesome conversation about my yoga journey and all of these crazy emotions and doubts I'm having. Meredith had the insight and wisdom I really needed and we had a very real and raw conversation. Best thing that could have happened to me mid-journey.
Meredith helped me see that I need to quash these "big expectations" I set for myself and learn to celebrate the "little victories." I do this, you see. I set massive expectations for myself. And I almost always experience serious letdowns as a result. Yoga, through Meredith, has finally taught me that this is a ridiculous ritual (insanity, anyone?), a mad cycle I continue to put myself through. And if not for yoga, I may have not learned this valuable lesson. Over the last few days, since our conversation, I realized all of the little victories I had missed celebrating without some sort of "but, still" of dissapointment attached. So, I made a list:
1) I can do Pigeon Pose. I can do Pigeon Pose!
2) I did 108 Sun Salutations in Zilker Park. Go me!
3) I am sleeping better.
4) My clothes are fitting better.
5) This is a BIG one, especially those of you who have known me for a very long time. My double-chin-itis is cured. This has been a long, long battle. (Yoga can heal chin fat. I am living proof. Can I get an Amen?!)
Even better, I now really only have two expectations going forward in this journey now. One: Yoga will continue to change and mold me, slowly but surely and when and how it is supposed to. Two: I know there will be little victories and I WILL celebrate them!
Namaste.
Meredith helped me see that I need to quash these "big expectations" I set for myself and learn to celebrate the "little victories." I do this, you see. I set massive expectations for myself. And I almost always experience serious letdowns as a result. Yoga, through Meredith, has finally taught me that this is a ridiculous ritual (insanity, anyone?), a mad cycle I continue to put myself through. And if not for yoga, I may have not learned this valuable lesson. Over the last few days, since our conversation, I realized all of the little victories I had missed celebrating without some sort of "but, still" of dissapointment attached. So, I made a list:
1) I can do Pigeon Pose. I can do Pigeon Pose!
2) I did 108 Sun Salutations in Zilker Park. Go me!
3) I am sleeping better.
4) My clothes are fitting better.
5) This is a BIG one, especially those of you who have known me for a very long time. My double-chin-itis is cured. This has been a long, long battle. (Yoga can heal chin fat. I am living proof. Can I get an Amen?!)
Even better, I now really only have two expectations going forward in this journey now. One: Yoga will continue to change and mold me, slowly but surely and when and how it is supposed to. Two: I know there will be little victories and I WILL celebrate them!
Namaste.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Big Expectations and Little Victories: Part 1
Monday night's Yoga Nidra really put a kink in my plans. My 40-day plan, that is.
For the first half of this challenge, I had done a pretty good job of putting aside my doubt and frustration, choosing my intentions at the beginning of class carefully (it is almost always "I am here for me"), and ignoring a growing sadness in my chest, a dissappointment in myself. You see, it's been a long time since I've had to learn something new and practice patience in the length of time it takes to learn something new. I grew up a dancer and for years I danced and I was good at it. I was so young when I started, I don't remember struggling to be good at it. I played a musical instrument almost my entire childhood and though I struggled sometimes, for the mostly part it came quite naturally to me. Same with the work in my adult life. When I fell into the work I have done for 12 years now, I knew it was meant for me and even with the detours I've taken, it's always been a second nature.
I feel like yoga is right for me. I have the same sense as I did as a dancer, a musician and now a fundraiser. But yoga. Yoga is a completely opposite practice of anything else I've done. It is learned differently, in ways my body and mind have never been exposed to. It is the first big life-altering thing I've done that feels right in my soul, but my body doesn't seem to follow. In other words, this learning curve is much bigger than anything else I've learned in life. It's bigger than me, bigger than life itself.
Like I've said before, we're told and we read that one person cannot achieve perfection in yoga in their lifetime. And while I love the idea of always being a student of yoga, never being bored, falling into the same mundane routine, always learning something new that is rewarding and fulfilling, I have found myself at a hard point in this practice. Yoga Nidra got in my head. It got in my HEAD. And while I realize this is the purpose of it, I couldn't have anticipated the effects of it after just one class.
My regular Tuesday beginner's series class was really tough on me. I felt off, overwhelmed, distracted. It was also the night we were taught Camel Pose (Ustrasana). The camel pose opens up the Heart Chakra and is associated with love and inner emotions (hope, fear, despair, envy, compassion, anger.) According to Lexi Yoga, camel pose results in "a rush of enporphins and a flush of emotions." I hadn't even moved into the modified, prop-supported camel pose fully when I felt a very unfamiliar and overwhelming feeling in my chest and had to pull myself out and sit in child's pose while the rest of class practiced camel pose. Intense.
In previous posts, I've written about a few emotional experiences I've had so far, such as with the gong. But what is happening right now isn't a one-time thing. It's as if there are many layers to this journey and before Yoga Nidra, I'd barely scratched the surface. Yoga Nidra peeled back a really thick layer that was hiding self-doubt, regret, fear, and dissapointment.
To be continued...
For the first half of this challenge, I had done a pretty good job of putting aside my doubt and frustration, choosing my intentions at the beginning of class carefully (it is almost always "I am here for me"), and ignoring a growing sadness in my chest, a dissappointment in myself. You see, it's been a long time since I've had to learn something new and practice patience in the length of time it takes to learn something new. I grew up a dancer and for years I danced and I was good at it. I was so young when I started, I don't remember struggling to be good at it. I played a musical instrument almost my entire childhood and though I struggled sometimes, for the mostly part it came quite naturally to me. Same with the work in my adult life. When I fell into the work I have done for 12 years now, I knew it was meant for me and even with the detours I've taken, it's always been a second nature.
I feel like yoga is right for me. I have the same sense as I did as a dancer, a musician and now a fundraiser. But yoga. Yoga is a completely opposite practice of anything else I've done. It is learned differently, in ways my body and mind have never been exposed to. It is the first big life-altering thing I've done that feels right in my soul, but my body doesn't seem to follow. In other words, this learning curve is much bigger than anything else I've learned in life. It's bigger than me, bigger than life itself.
Like I've said before, we're told and we read that one person cannot achieve perfection in yoga in their lifetime. And while I love the idea of always being a student of yoga, never being bored, falling into the same mundane routine, always learning something new that is rewarding and fulfilling, I have found myself at a hard point in this practice. Yoga Nidra got in my head. It got in my HEAD. And while I realize this is the purpose of it, I couldn't have anticipated the effects of it after just one class.
My regular Tuesday beginner's series class was really tough on me. I felt off, overwhelmed, distracted. It was also the night we were taught Camel Pose (Ustrasana). The camel pose opens up the Heart Chakra and is associated with love and inner emotions (hope, fear, despair, envy, compassion, anger.) According to Lexi Yoga, camel pose results in "a rush of enporphins and a flush of emotions." I hadn't even moved into the modified, prop-supported camel pose fully when I felt a very unfamiliar and overwhelming feeling in my chest and had to pull myself out and sit in child's pose while the rest of class practiced camel pose. Intense.
In previous posts, I've written about a few emotional experiences I've had so far, such as with the gong. But what is happening right now isn't a one-time thing. It's as if there are many layers to this journey and before Yoga Nidra, I'd barely scratched the surface. Yoga Nidra peeled back a really thick layer that was hiding self-doubt, regret, fear, and dissapointment.
To be continued...
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Yoga Nidra
Sunday's 108 Sun Salutation practice left me in massive pain. Sore muscles and sore other things I didn't know COULD be sore. Ouch. Lifting a glass to drink water was painful. But at the same time I felt fantastic, accomplished and I had this constant urge to do half Sun Salutations. And while that's all well and good, I knew I needed to quiet my mind and my body.
Day 15 I went to my first Yoga Nidra class. Yoga Nidra is a guided meditation done mostly while laying on the back in a prop supported Savasana. What I didn't expect, but experienced and now understand, is that Yoga Nidra is an extremely personal and private experience. So all I will say about last night's class is this:
1) I finally understand what the books and yoga teachers mean when they say yoga isn't just a physical practice; that I can be "practicing" yoga without asanas.
2) I had an amazing experience in class and look forward to going each week to deepen my Yoga Nidra practice.
I hope you are all well and taking good care of yourself. Whatever you've chosen to change in your life for 40 days and beyond, may you be supported, motivated, and loved.
Namaste.
Day 15 I went to my first Yoga Nidra class. Yoga Nidra is a guided meditation done mostly while laying on the back in a prop supported Savasana. What I didn't expect, but experienced and now understand, is that Yoga Nidra is an extremely personal and private experience. So all I will say about last night's class is this:
1) I finally understand what the books and yoga teachers mean when they say yoga isn't just a physical practice; that I can be "practicing" yoga without asanas.
2) I had an amazing experience in class and look forward to going each week to deepen my Yoga Nidra practice.
I hope you are all well and taking good care of yourself. Whatever you've chosen to change in your life for 40 days and beyond, may you be supported, motivated, and loved.
Namaste.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Day 13 and Day 14
Day 13:
Yesterday I woke up ripe with flared joints carried over from the stress of Thursday. On Friday, I took a "nap" for nearly 6 hours and followed that up with heavy sleep for another 9 hours. Needless to say, I was wiped out. So it was no surprise that my body wasn't feeling hip to the yoga challenge, but I wanted to go to a class. Luckily, there was a Restorative Yoga class late in the afternoon.
I had never been to one of these classes, though I had an idea of what it would be like. It was way more of what my body needed than I could have imagined. The class was guided through really great restorative poses, our bodies supported by props while we stayed in a pose for an extended amount of time. What really made the class special, though...that would be Everitt. This adorable, sweet man was so respectful of our bodies, totally aware that each of us was there to give our bodies a well-deserved break. He had a menagerie of metal bowls, each with their own tone which he played while we were in pose. When class was over, I felt AMAZING. This class was a big "DUH" for me. All of this yoga can take it's toll on a gal, but this class is a remedy for all the pulling and stretching and dancing around I put myself through each week. So I made an adjustment to my weekly schedule and though I'll miss Libby's a.m. class at the South location, I know this class will be exactly what I need to keep me going and prepare me for the days ahead.
Day 14:
Thank you Universe for Restorative Yoga! Without it I am certain I would not have been able to accomplish what I did today. 108 Sun Salutations. That's right. One Hundred and Eight. Actually, I had to stop a few times to rest and fix my hair (it was windy!), so I probably completed 106.
What an invigorating experience! It was a small group that met in Zilker Park across from Barton Springs pool and of the 4 students, one was me, two were my friends, and another girl plus the guide. Our guide was fantastic! She was so kind and encouraging to all of us. She did a few adjustments on me when in Downward-Facing Dog pose, which I totally appreciate. And at the end in Savasana, she laid a lavender eye pillow on our eyes and then went around to each of us to give our shoulders and neck and nice stretch. I'm glad my gals were there to do it with me (Meredith and Narissa, you girls rocked it!) and I look forward to doing it again. Side Note: My legs still feel like jelly and my arms feel like they are going to fall off my body. :)
About 108 Sun Salutations:
The number 108 is considered a sacred number in Hinduism and yoga. It is also the number of beads on a mala (plus the guru bead), the distance connecting the earth, moon, and sun, and in India, there are 108 sacred sites (pithas.) Also in yoga, there are 108 sacred parts of the body (marma points.)
A Sun Salutation (Surya Namaskar) is a series of poses almost always beginning and ending in Mountain Pose (Tadasana.) When doing 108, the series may be exactly the same each time, or they can be changed up a little bit with the instruction of a guide. Here's a video example of a Sun Salutation.
Namaste.
Yesterday I woke up ripe with flared joints carried over from the stress of Thursday. On Friday, I took a "nap" for nearly 6 hours and followed that up with heavy sleep for another 9 hours. Needless to say, I was wiped out. So it was no surprise that my body wasn't feeling hip to the yoga challenge, but I wanted to go to a class. Luckily, there was a Restorative Yoga class late in the afternoon.
I had never been to one of these classes, though I had an idea of what it would be like. It was way more of what my body needed than I could have imagined. The class was guided through really great restorative poses, our bodies supported by props while we stayed in a pose for an extended amount of time. What really made the class special, though...that would be Everitt. This adorable, sweet man was so respectful of our bodies, totally aware that each of us was there to give our bodies a well-deserved break. He had a menagerie of metal bowls, each with their own tone which he played while we were in pose. When class was over, I felt AMAZING. This class was a big "DUH" for me. All of this yoga can take it's toll on a gal, but this class is a remedy for all the pulling and stretching and dancing around I put myself through each week. So I made an adjustment to my weekly schedule and though I'll miss Libby's a.m. class at the South location, I know this class will be exactly what I need to keep me going and prepare me for the days ahead.
Day 14:
Thank you Universe for Restorative Yoga! Without it I am certain I would not have been able to accomplish what I did today. 108 Sun Salutations. That's right. One Hundred and Eight. Actually, I had to stop a few times to rest and fix my hair (it was windy!), so I probably completed 106.
What an invigorating experience! It was a small group that met in Zilker Park across from Barton Springs pool and of the 4 students, one was me, two were my friends, and another girl plus the guide. Our guide was fantastic! She was so kind and encouraging to all of us. She did a few adjustments on me when in Downward-Facing Dog pose, which I totally appreciate. And at the end in Savasana, she laid a lavender eye pillow on our eyes and then went around to each of us to give our shoulders and neck and nice stretch. I'm glad my gals were there to do it with me (Meredith and Narissa, you girls rocked it!) and I look forward to doing it again. Side Note: My legs still feel like jelly and my arms feel like they are going to fall off my body. :)
About 108 Sun Salutations:
The number 108 is considered a sacred number in Hinduism and yoga. It is also the number of beads on a mala (plus the guru bead), the distance connecting the earth, moon, and sun, and in India, there are 108 sacred sites (pithas.) Also in yoga, there are 108 sacred parts of the body (marma points.)
A Sun Salutation (Surya Namaskar) is a series of poses almost always beginning and ending in Mountain Pose (Tadasana.) When doing 108, the series may be exactly the same each time, or they can be changed up a little bit with the instruction of a guide. Here's a video example of a Sun Salutation.
Namaste.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Day 3 -or- The Day Yoga Kicked My Ass
I came this close (" ") to not going to class last night. It was a hurried day, a frustrating day, an exhausting day and I thought maybe my body needed a break. I knew I wouldn't be able to make the class I had intended to because it was at another location farther from my house. So, I looked at the schedule of my usual studio and the only class I could conceivably do without looking like a lost fool was Kundalini of Sound. I called the studio on my way home and asked if the class for an option for all levels and was told that it's an advanced class but newbies attend all of the time. I resided to go to the class if I got home in time to change and get there without being late.
About 8 years ago I practiced Kundalini Yoga for a year, once or twice a week beginners classes. Until last night, I didn't have much recollection about the classes.
I arrived at the studio and watched the people who were walking into the class. They all had extra stuff: blankets, double mats and these fuzzy sheep skin mats. I decided to wait outside class for Guru Karam. She taught my classes 8 years ago and I wanted to check in with her to see if she thought it was a good fit for me. Her response? "Oh, yeah, You'll be fine! C'mon. C'mon now. Come in, it's fine!" (perhaps you can imagine my hesitation and her needing to coax me into the room.)
And it was fine. Kundalini was like riding a bicycle. Only a bicycle on a track with lots and lots of big, steep hills. Kundalini is all about matching the breath with repetitive motions, motions that engage multiple muscles and joints. It's intense. Last night's class was all about the digestive system (read: abdominal muscles.) We also did two meditations with chants (AWESOME).
But then, as we prepared for Savasana (also known as Corpse Pose or Resting Pose), Guru Karam said the "G" word. Gong. Even typing it I have to catch my breath. When she said she'd be playing the gong during Savasana, I suddenly remembered the power that gong had over me 8 years ago, which was also a very transformational time in my life. The gong is used in Kundalini yoga to facilitate the movement of Prana (vital life energy) through the body for healing.
Everyday I find affirmation that I am doing exactly what I need to be doing for myself during this 40 day journey.
My eyes welled up with tears before the gong even started. But on that first sound, tears started flowing from my eyes and I could not stop. The sound was so radiating and I felt it move through me starting at my heart center and vibrating like a raindrop in a pond throughout my whole body from the very middle to all of the very tips of all of me. And as we laid there for 10 minutes, I let the gong guide me through months of sadness, loss, worry, anger, and fear. Words I couldn't find before suddenly were right there with me. I was able to silently articulate my gratefulness to my father-in-law, my sweet kitty Henry, and my dear, dear dog Tucker for allowing me to be a part of their life while they were on this earth. These past few months have brought us such loss and I didn't know how to deal with all of it. I don't know how that gong does it, but it brings healing. And last night I started to heal.
Talk about being in the right place at the right time. After the fiascoes of yesterday (still unhappy about that flat tire, Universe) I realize it was all a build up to prepare me for Kundalini class. I'm adding this class to my weekly schedule because I see its value in my journey. And also because the gong is like Lay's Chips ("you can't eat just one,") but without all of the fat and calories.
At the end of a Kundalini class, everyone sings Long Time Sun:
May the long time sun shine upon you
All love surround you
And the pure light that is within you
Guide your way on.
Namaste.
About 8 years ago I practiced Kundalini Yoga for a year, once or twice a week beginners classes. Until last night, I didn't have much recollection about the classes.
I arrived at the studio and watched the people who were walking into the class. They all had extra stuff: blankets, double mats and these fuzzy sheep skin mats. I decided to wait outside class for Guru Karam. She taught my classes 8 years ago and I wanted to check in with her to see if she thought it was a good fit for me. Her response? "Oh, yeah, You'll be fine! C'mon. C'mon now. Come in, it's fine!" (perhaps you can imagine my hesitation and her needing to coax me into the room.)
And it was fine. Kundalini was like riding a bicycle. Only a bicycle on a track with lots and lots of big, steep hills. Kundalini is all about matching the breath with repetitive motions, motions that engage multiple muscles and joints. It's intense. Last night's class was all about the digestive system (read: abdominal muscles.) We also did two meditations with chants (AWESOME).
But then, as we prepared for Savasana (also known as Corpse Pose or Resting Pose), Guru Karam said the "G" word. Gong. Even typing it I have to catch my breath. When she said she'd be playing the gong during Savasana, I suddenly remembered the power that gong had over me 8 years ago, which was also a very transformational time in my life. The gong is used in Kundalini yoga to facilitate the movement of Prana (vital life energy) through the body for healing.
Everyday I find affirmation that I am doing exactly what I need to be doing for myself during this 40 day journey.
My eyes welled up with tears before the gong even started. But on that first sound, tears started flowing from my eyes and I could not stop. The sound was so radiating and I felt it move through me starting at my heart center and vibrating like a raindrop in a pond throughout my whole body from the very middle to all of the very tips of all of me. And as we laid there for 10 minutes, I let the gong guide me through months of sadness, loss, worry, anger, and fear. Words I couldn't find before suddenly were right there with me. I was able to silently articulate my gratefulness to my father-in-law, my sweet kitty Henry, and my dear, dear dog Tucker for allowing me to be a part of their life while they were on this earth. These past few months have brought us such loss and I didn't know how to deal with all of it. I don't know how that gong does it, but it brings healing. And last night I started to heal.
Talk about being in the right place at the right time. After the fiascoes of yesterday (still unhappy about that flat tire, Universe) I realize it was all a build up to prepare me for Kundalini class. I'm adding this class to my weekly schedule because I see its value in my journey. And also because the gong is like Lay's Chips ("you can't eat just one,") but without all of the fat and calories.
At the end of a Kundalini class, everyone sings Long Time Sun:
May the long time sun shine upon you
All love surround you
And the pure light that is within you
Guide your way on.
Namaste.
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