What's not a good idea is holding all of this newly discovered mental suitcase full of previously mentioned emotions inside. I didn't know really who to talk to about it, but of course and as usual, the Universe took care of that for me. A conversation with my co-worker/friend/fellow yoga gal Meredith turned into a really awesome conversation about my yoga journey and all of these crazy emotions and doubts I'm having. Meredith had the insight and wisdom I really needed and we had a very real and raw conversation. Best thing that could have happened to me mid-journey.
Meredith helped me see that I need to quash these "big expectations" I set for myself and learn to celebrate the "little victories." I do this, you see. I set massive expectations for myself. And I almost always experience serious letdowns as a result. Yoga, through Meredith, has finally taught me that this is a ridiculous ritual (insanity, anyone?), a mad cycle I continue to put myself through. And if not for yoga, I may have not learned this valuable lesson. Over the last few days, since our conversation, I realized all of the little victories I had missed celebrating without some sort of "but, still" of dissapointment attached. So, I made a list:
1) I can do Pigeon Pose. I can do Pigeon Pose!
2) I did 108 Sun Salutations in Zilker Park. Go me!
3) I am sleeping better.
4) My clothes are fitting better.
5) This is a BIG one, especially those of you who have known me for a very long time. My double-chin-itis is cured. This has been a long, long battle. (Yoga can heal chin fat. I am living proof. Can I get an Amen?!)
Even better, I now really only have two expectations going forward in this journey now. One: Yoga will continue to change and mold me, slowly but surely and when and how it is supposed to. Two: I know there will be little victories and I WILL celebrate them!
Namaste.
Showing posts with label the body. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the body. Show all posts
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
The Universe is Against Me
At least that's what it feels like.
I guess I had the expectation that starting a solid yoga/meditation practice would be smooth as silk. I am realizing very quickly that I did not factor in the emotional and physical challenges I may encounter, or that little bumps in the road which would normally occur would seem mountainous during this time of transition. As if ever a flat tire on MoPac was considered a "little bump."
This post is mostly about how body and mind are quickly (or perhaps not quickly enough) adjusting to these changes.
My sleep is affected. When I went to sleep last night, I noticed I was shaky, like when I've been really sleep deprived or have low blood sugar. I felt the same way when I woke up this morning. And although my internal alarm clock went off at 7am, I stayed in bed another half hour to give my body extra time to adjust and relax. I did my meditation and half way through tears started streaming down my face and I was overcome with sadness. This same thing happened to me last night too, when I was in the middle of doing nothing and thinking about nothing inparticular. I decided to spend the remainder of my time meditating on these feelings and by the end, I decided the emotions behind the tears and sadness felt like I was in mourning. I am familiar with the emotion and certainly with recent happenings over the last few months, I am not surprised by my need to mourn in my own way and in my own time. But what I think is actually happening is that my subconscious mind is taking this opportunity to "detox", if you will, all of the stuff I've stored there and not yet dealt with. And I'm convinced that the physical stuff I'm experiencing (shaking and fatigue) are side effects of the emotional dumping my subconscious mind (or my second mind) is doing.
We read that yoga is really so much more than the physical Asanas. There is a spiritual-emotional component which is bigger that the sum of all other parts of yoga and to understand its affect before we experience it is impossible. It is why when during this new practice of yoga and meditation everything seems bigger, badder, and more complicated than it really is, that our bodies begin to detox not only the toxicity of our physical self, but also our emotional self.
My biggest lesson today is this: When I wake up shaky, cry during meditation, change my outfit three times, and have a flat tire on MoPac: even though it feels like it, the universe is actually NOT against me. It's there saying "I'm here to support you when everything seems mountainous. You'll never be met with more than you can handle. In the end, you'll be stronger."
And to the Universe I say, "Thanks for being there for me, Universe. But I'm pretty sure you could have gotten your point across without the flat tire."
Namaste.
I guess I had the expectation that starting a solid yoga/meditation practice would be smooth as silk. I am realizing very quickly that I did not factor in the emotional and physical challenges I may encounter, or that little bumps in the road which would normally occur would seem mountainous during this time of transition. As if ever a flat tire on MoPac was considered a "little bump."
This post is mostly about how body and mind are quickly (or perhaps not quickly enough) adjusting to these changes.
My sleep is affected. When I went to sleep last night, I noticed I was shaky, like when I've been really sleep deprived or have low blood sugar. I felt the same way when I woke up this morning. And although my internal alarm clock went off at 7am, I stayed in bed another half hour to give my body extra time to adjust and relax. I did my meditation and half way through tears started streaming down my face and I was overcome with sadness. This same thing happened to me last night too, when I was in the middle of doing nothing and thinking about nothing inparticular. I decided to spend the remainder of my time meditating on these feelings and by the end, I decided the emotions behind the tears and sadness felt like I was in mourning. I am familiar with the emotion and certainly with recent happenings over the last few months, I am not surprised by my need to mourn in my own way and in my own time. But what I think is actually happening is that my subconscious mind is taking this opportunity to "detox", if you will, all of the stuff I've stored there and not yet dealt with. And I'm convinced that the physical stuff I'm experiencing (shaking and fatigue) are side effects of the emotional dumping my subconscious mind (or my second mind) is doing.
We read that yoga is really so much more than the physical Asanas. There is a spiritual-emotional component which is bigger that the sum of all other parts of yoga and to understand its affect before we experience it is impossible. It is why when during this new practice of yoga and meditation everything seems bigger, badder, and more complicated than it really is, that our bodies begin to detox not only the toxicity of our physical self, but also our emotional self.
My biggest lesson today is this: When I wake up shaky, cry during meditation, change my outfit three times, and have a flat tire on MoPac: even though it feels like it, the universe is actually NOT against me. It's there saying "I'm here to support you when everything seems mountainous. You'll never be met with more than you can handle. In the end, you'll be stronger."
And to the Universe I say, "Thanks for being there for me, Universe. But I'm pretty sure you could have gotten your point across without the flat tire."
Namaste.
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