Big Expectations and Little Victories: Part 1

Monday night's Yoga Nidra really put a kink in my plans. My 40-day plan, that is.

For the first half of this challenge, I had done a pretty good job of putting aside my doubt and frustration, choosing my intentions at the beginning of class carefully (it is almost always "I am here for me"), and ignoring a growing sadness in my chest, a dissappointment in myself. You see, it's been a long time since I've had to learn something new and practice patience in the length of time it takes to learn something new. I grew up a dancer and for years I danced and I was good at it. I was so young when I started, I don't remember struggling to be good at it. I played a musical instrument almost my entire childhood and though I struggled sometimes, for the mostly part it came quite naturally to me. Same with the work in my adult life. When I fell into the work I have done for 12 years now, I knew it was meant for me and even with the detours I've taken, it's always been a second nature.

I feel like yoga is right for me. I have the same sense as I did as a dancer, a musician and now a fundraiser. But yoga. Yoga is a completely opposite practice of anything else I've done. It is learned differently, in ways my body and mind have never been exposed to. It is the first big life-altering thing I've done that feels right in my soul, but my body doesn't seem to follow. In other words, this learning curve is much bigger than anything else I've learned in life. It's bigger than me, bigger than life itself.

Like I've said before, we're told and we read that one person cannot achieve perfection in yoga in their lifetime. And while I love the idea of always being a student of yoga, never being bored, falling into the same mundane routine, always learning something new that is rewarding and fulfilling, I have found myself at a hard point in this practice. Yoga Nidra got in my head. It got in my HEAD. And while I realize this is the purpose of it, I couldn't have anticipated the effects of it after just one class.

My regular Tuesday beginner's series class was really tough on me. I felt off, overwhelmed, distracted. It was also the night we were taught Camel Pose (Ustrasana). The camel pose opens up the Heart Chakra and is associated with love and inner emotions (hope, fear, despair, envy, compassion, anger.) According to Lexi Yoga, camel pose results in "a rush of enporphins and a flush of emotions." I hadn't even moved into the modified, prop-supported camel pose fully when I felt a very unfamiliar and overwhelming feeling in my chest and had to pull myself out and sit in child's pose while the rest of class practiced camel pose. Intense.

In previous posts, I've written about a few emotional experiences I've had so far, such as with the gong. But what is happening right now isn't a one-time thing. It's as if there are many layers to this journey and before Yoga Nidra, I'd barely scratched the surface. Yoga Nidra peeled back a really thick layer that was hiding self-doubt, regret, fear, and dissapointment.

To be continued...

Day 13 and Day 14

Day 13:

Yesterday I woke up ripe with flared joints carried over from the stress of Thursday. On Friday, I took a "nap" for nearly 6 hours and followed that up with heavy sleep for another 9 hours. Needless to say, I was wiped out. So it was no surprise that my body wasn't feeling hip to the yoga challenge, but I wanted to go to a class. Luckily, there was a Restorative Yoga class late in the afternoon.

I had never been to one of these classes, though I had an idea of what it would be like. It was way more of what my body needed than I could have imagined. The class was guided through really great restorative poses, our bodies supported by props while we stayed in a pose for an extended amount of time. What really made the class special, though...that would be Everitt. This adorable, sweet man was so respectful of our bodies, totally aware that each of us was there to give our bodies a well-deserved break. He had a menagerie of metal bowls, each with their own tone which he played while we were in pose. When class was over, I felt AMAZING. This class was a big "DUH" for me. All of this yoga can take it's toll on a gal, but this class is a remedy for all the pulling and stretching and dancing around I put myself through each week. So I made an adjustment to my weekly schedule and though I'll miss Libby's a.m. class at the South location, I know this class will be exactly what I need to keep me going and prepare me for the days ahead.

Day 14:

Thank you Universe for Restorative Yoga! Without it I am certain I would not have been able to accomplish what I did today. 108 Sun Salutations. That's right. One Hundred and Eight. Actually, I had to stop a few times to rest and fix my hair (it was windy!), so I probably completed 106.

What an invigorating experience! It was a small group that met in Zilker Park across from Barton Springs pool and of the 4 students, one was me, two were my friends, and another girl plus the guide. Our guide was fantastic! She was so kind and encouraging to all of us. She did a few adjustments on me when in Downward-Facing Dog pose, which I totally appreciate. And at the end in Savasana, she laid a lavender eye pillow on our eyes and then went around to each of us to give our shoulders and neck and nice stretch. I'm glad my gals were there to do it with me (Meredith and Narissa, you girls rocked it!) and I look forward to doing it again. Side Note: My legs still feel like jelly and my arms feel like they are going to fall off my body. :)

About 108 Sun Salutations:

The number 108 is considered a sacred number in Hinduism and yoga. It is also the number of beads on a mala (plus the guru bead), the distance connecting the earth, moon, and sun, and in India, there are 108 sacred sites (pithas.) Also in yoga, there are 108 sacred parts of the body (marma points.)

A Sun Salutation (Surya Namaskar) is a series of poses almost always beginning and ending in Mountain Pose (Tadasana.) When doing 108, the series may be exactly the same each time, or they can be changed up a little bit with the instruction of a guide. Here's a video example of a Sun Salutation.

Namaste.

Day 8 -or- The Day I Discovered Pigeon Pose

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I went to my first Hatha class last night. My beginner's series with Mollie is a Hatha class and I've also gone to Hatha Star (on-going beginner classes), but this was the first class of Hatha Yoga where I knew going into it I wouldn't have as much instruction and things would move along a little "faster."

Whoa. Is faster even the right word? This class, led by Hannah, was awesome and kicked my ass, but it was faster, harder and sweatier than any of my classes that came before it. I think I did Downward-Facing Dog, or Adho Muhka Svanasana, more in this class than I've ever done in my life. -A side note: I really look forward to the day when, in Downward-Facing Dog, my heels touch all the way to the ground. I digress. - Things were going along nicely and I was smart enough to set up shop in the back of class so I could get a full view of other students in poses to help me along (I'm normally the geek student in the front row.) Then two things happened:

1) Warrior III (Virabhadrasana III) - The first pose in Hatha I had not yet seen or attempted. Warrior I and Warrior II? Yes and yes. Love them. Feel confident I'm doing them right. But Warrior III, oh my. I thought I was going to fall on my head. I took the suggestion from Hannah to only do half Warrior III and leave my arms on the ground. But now I've issued myself a challenge, baby. I will dominate Warrior III!

2) Pigeon Pose (Eka Pada Rajakapotasana) - What the heck is Pigeon Pose? I heard this "Now we'll move into Pigeon Pose." I thought I heard her incorrectly, but she said it again and I saw the gal in front of me do this wonky thing with her right leg and I thought "Oh no. No way. My body doesn't do that." Perhaps Hannah picked up on my panic, for she started explaining how to do the pose and Holy Pigeon Pose, Batman! This pose was MADE for me. I have over-extending joints in my knees, elbows and hips so getting my hips to do this was no problem. Once I found the right place for all of my limbs, it was really quite comfortable. Win!

Pigeon Pose

Tonight is another beginner's series and I'm excited to continue these classes for the next three weeks as I learn the most basic and fundamental poses and "whys" of Hatha Yoga. But I will definitely keep going to Hannah's Monday night Hatha class because I know I can do it and that I will be challenged to push myself further. I gave myself a big pat on the back last night. :)

Namaste.

Anjali Mudra and Libby D.

I've talked about Savasana a couple of times. It is one of my two favorite parts of Yoga. My other favorite is Anjali Mundra.

In Hatha Yoga, Anjali Mudra begins and ends the practice. Anjali (to honor, celebrate) is a salutation and Mudra (seal) seals your relationship with the Divine. Therefore, Anjali Mudra is also known as the Salutation Seal. Seated in Siddhasana (Perfect Pose, my preference) or standing in Tadasana (Mountain pose), the palms are pressed together at the heart center, with the thumbs pressed slightly against the chest. The hands are pressed firmly together, without allowing one hand to dominate the other. The head is bowed slightly towards the heart, creating a lengthening in the neck and spine. With the eyes closed, a few deep breaths are taken. When in Anjali Mudra at the beginning of practice, it's the time to set the intention of your practice. For me, my intention is always the same. With my eyes closed, I say to myself, "I am here for me. I am here for me."

I love Anjali Mudra. I love Anjali Mudra. I LOVE Anjali Mudra. It induces a meditative state of awareness. There is a strength I am able to draw from it that makes my heart feel bigger than any other part of me. It's a radiating energy which sets an amazing, powerful, motivating tone for practice regardless of how I felt before I walked in the door.


Anjali Mudra (not me, but isn't she adorable?)

On another note, I think I've found my favorite teacher. In beginner's series, the teacher will talk about how different each teacher is and that most students will figure out who they connect with best and attend mostly their classes. For me, that person is Libby D. Libby has an amazing and magnetic spirit. Her instruction is clear and heartfelt; it is so easy to realize how much she loves yoga, loves teaching and how greatly she respects each student and their individual interest in yoga. Two of my classes each week are with her. I'm already excited about Monday class!