What's not a good idea is holding all of this newly discovered mental suitcase full of previously mentioned emotions inside. I didn't know really who to talk to about it, but of course and as usual, the Universe took care of that for me. A conversation with my co-worker/friend/fellow yoga gal Meredith turned into a really awesome conversation about my yoga journey and all of these crazy emotions and doubts I'm having. Meredith had the insight and wisdom I really needed and we had a very real and raw conversation. Best thing that could have happened to me mid-journey.
Meredith helped me see that I need to quash these "big expectations" I set for myself and learn to celebrate the "little victories." I do this, you see. I set massive expectations for myself. And I almost always experience serious letdowns as a result. Yoga, through Meredith, has finally taught me that this is a ridiculous ritual (insanity, anyone?), a mad cycle I continue to put myself through. And if not for yoga, I may have not learned this valuable lesson. Over the last few days, since our conversation, I realized all of the little victories I had missed celebrating without some sort of "but, still" of dissapointment attached. So, I made a list:
1) I can do Pigeon Pose. I can do Pigeon Pose!
2) I did 108 Sun Salutations in Zilker Park. Go me!
3) I am sleeping better.
4) My clothes are fitting better.
5) This is a BIG one, especially those of you who have known me for a very long time. My double-chin-itis is cured. This has been a long, long battle. (Yoga can heal chin fat. I am living proof. Can I get an Amen?!)
Even better, I now really only have two expectations going forward in this journey now. One: Yoga will continue to change and mold me, slowly but surely and when and how it is supposed to. Two: I know there will be little victories and I WILL celebrate them!
Namaste.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Big Expectations and Little Victories: Part 1
Monday night's Yoga Nidra really put a kink in my plans. My 40-day plan, that is.
For the first half of this challenge, I had done a pretty good job of putting aside my doubt and frustration, choosing my intentions at the beginning of class carefully (it is almost always "I am here for me"), and ignoring a growing sadness in my chest, a dissappointment in myself. You see, it's been a long time since I've had to learn something new and practice patience in the length of time it takes to learn something new. I grew up a dancer and for years I danced and I was good at it. I was so young when I started, I don't remember struggling to be good at it. I played a musical instrument almost my entire childhood and though I struggled sometimes, for the mostly part it came quite naturally to me. Same with the work in my adult life. When I fell into the work I have done for 12 years now, I knew it was meant for me and even with the detours I've taken, it's always been a second nature.
I feel like yoga is right for me. I have the same sense as I did as a dancer, a musician and now a fundraiser. But yoga. Yoga is a completely opposite practice of anything else I've done. It is learned differently, in ways my body and mind have never been exposed to. It is the first big life-altering thing I've done that feels right in my soul, but my body doesn't seem to follow. In other words, this learning curve is much bigger than anything else I've learned in life. It's bigger than me, bigger than life itself.
Like I've said before, we're told and we read that one person cannot achieve perfection in yoga in their lifetime. And while I love the idea of always being a student of yoga, never being bored, falling into the same mundane routine, always learning something new that is rewarding and fulfilling, I have found myself at a hard point in this practice. Yoga Nidra got in my head. It got in my HEAD. And while I realize this is the purpose of it, I couldn't have anticipated the effects of it after just one class.
My regular Tuesday beginner's series class was really tough on me. I felt off, overwhelmed, distracted. It was also the night we were taught Camel Pose (Ustrasana). The camel pose opens up the Heart Chakra and is associated with love and inner emotions (hope, fear, despair, envy, compassion, anger.) According to Lexi Yoga, camel pose results in "a rush of enporphins and a flush of emotions." I hadn't even moved into the modified, prop-supported camel pose fully when I felt a very unfamiliar and overwhelming feeling in my chest and had to pull myself out and sit in child's pose while the rest of class practiced camel pose. Intense.
In previous posts, I've written about a few emotional experiences I've had so far, such as with the gong. But what is happening right now isn't a one-time thing. It's as if there are many layers to this journey and before Yoga Nidra, I'd barely scratched the surface. Yoga Nidra peeled back a really thick layer that was hiding self-doubt, regret, fear, and dissapointment.
To be continued...
For the first half of this challenge, I had done a pretty good job of putting aside my doubt and frustration, choosing my intentions at the beginning of class carefully (it is almost always "I am here for me"), and ignoring a growing sadness in my chest, a dissappointment in myself. You see, it's been a long time since I've had to learn something new and practice patience in the length of time it takes to learn something new. I grew up a dancer and for years I danced and I was good at it. I was so young when I started, I don't remember struggling to be good at it. I played a musical instrument almost my entire childhood and though I struggled sometimes, for the mostly part it came quite naturally to me. Same with the work in my adult life. When I fell into the work I have done for 12 years now, I knew it was meant for me and even with the detours I've taken, it's always been a second nature.
I feel like yoga is right for me. I have the same sense as I did as a dancer, a musician and now a fundraiser. But yoga. Yoga is a completely opposite practice of anything else I've done. It is learned differently, in ways my body and mind have never been exposed to. It is the first big life-altering thing I've done that feels right in my soul, but my body doesn't seem to follow. In other words, this learning curve is much bigger than anything else I've learned in life. It's bigger than me, bigger than life itself.
Like I've said before, we're told and we read that one person cannot achieve perfection in yoga in their lifetime. And while I love the idea of always being a student of yoga, never being bored, falling into the same mundane routine, always learning something new that is rewarding and fulfilling, I have found myself at a hard point in this practice. Yoga Nidra got in my head. It got in my HEAD. And while I realize this is the purpose of it, I couldn't have anticipated the effects of it after just one class.
My regular Tuesday beginner's series class was really tough on me. I felt off, overwhelmed, distracted. It was also the night we were taught Camel Pose (Ustrasana). The camel pose opens up the Heart Chakra and is associated with love and inner emotions (hope, fear, despair, envy, compassion, anger.) According to Lexi Yoga, camel pose results in "a rush of enporphins and a flush of emotions." I hadn't even moved into the modified, prop-supported camel pose fully when I felt a very unfamiliar and overwhelming feeling in my chest and had to pull myself out and sit in child's pose while the rest of class practiced camel pose. Intense.
In previous posts, I've written about a few emotional experiences I've had so far, such as with the gong. But what is happening right now isn't a one-time thing. It's as if there are many layers to this journey and before Yoga Nidra, I'd barely scratched the surface. Yoga Nidra peeled back a really thick layer that was hiding self-doubt, regret, fear, and dissapointment.
To be continued...
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Yoga Nidra
Sunday's 108 Sun Salutation practice left me in massive pain. Sore muscles and sore other things I didn't know COULD be sore. Ouch. Lifting a glass to drink water was painful. But at the same time I felt fantastic, accomplished and I had this constant urge to do half Sun Salutations. And while that's all well and good, I knew I needed to quiet my mind and my body.
Day 15 I went to my first Yoga Nidra class. Yoga Nidra is a guided meditation done mostly while laying on the back in a prop supported Savasana. What I didn't expect, but experienced and now understand, is that Yoga Nidra is an extremely personal and private experience. So all I will say about last night's class is this:
1) I finally understand what the books and yoga teachers mean when they say yoga isn't just a physical practice; that I can be "practicing" yoga without asanas.
2) I had an amazing experience in class and look forward to going each week to deepen my Yoga Nidra practice.
I hope you are all well and taking good care of yourself. Whatever you've chosen to change in your life for 40 days and beyond, may you be supported, motivated, and loved.
Namaste.
Day 15 I went to my first Yoga Nidra class. Yoga Nidra is a guided meditation done mostly while laying on the back in a prop supported Savasana. What I didn't expect, but experienced and now understand, is that Yoga Nidra is an extremely personal and private experience. So all I will say about last night's class is this:
1) I finally understand what the books and yoga teachers mean when they say yoga isn't just a physical practice; that I can be "practicing" yoga without asanas.
2) I had an amazing experience in class and look forward to going each week to deepen my Yoga Nidra practice.
I hope you are all well and taking good care of yourself. Whatever you've chosen to change in your life for 40 days and beyond, may you be supported, motivated, and loved.
Namaste.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Day 13 and Day 14
Day 13:
Yesterday I woke up ripe with flared joints carried over from the stress of Thursday. On Friday, I took a "nap" for nearly 6 hours and followed that up with heavy sleep for another 9 hours. Needless to say, I was wiped out. So it was no surprise that my body wasn't feeling hip to the yoga challenge, but I wanted to go to a class. Luckily, there was a Restorative Yoga class late in the afternoon.
I had never been to one of these classes, though I had an idea of what it would be like. It was way more of what my body needed than I could have imagined. The class was guided through really great restorative poses, our bodies supported by props while we stayed in a pose for an extended amount of time. What really made the class special, though...that would be Everitt. This adorable, sweet man was so respectful of our bodies, totally aware that each of us was there to give our bodies a well-deserved break. He had a menagerie of metal bowls, each with their own tone which he played while we were in pose. When class was over, I felt AMAZING. This class was a big "DUH" for me. All of this yoga can take it's toll on a gal, but this class is a remedy for all the pulling and stretching and dancing around I put myself through each week. So I made an adjustment to my weekly schedule and though I'll miss Libby's a.m. class at the South location, I know this class will be exactly what I need to keep me going and prepare me for the days ahead.
Day 14:
Thank you Universe for Restorative Yoga! Without it I am certain I would not have been able to accomplish what I did today. 108 Sun Salutations. That's right. One Hundred and Eight. Actually, I had to stop a few times to rest and fix my hair (it was windy!), so I probably completed 106.
What an invigorating experience! It was a small group that met in Zilker Park across from Barton Springs pool and of the 4 students, one was me, two were my friends, and another girl plus the guide. Our guide was fantastic! She was so kind and encouraging to all of us. She did a few adjustments on me when in Downward-Facing Dog pose, which I totally appreciate. And at the end in Savasana, she laid a lavender eye pillow on our eyes and then went around to each of us to give our shoulders and neck and nice stretch. I'm glad my gals were there to do it with me (Meredith and Narissa, you girls rocked it!) and I look forward to doing it again. Side Note: My legs still feel like jelly and my arms feel like they are going to fall off my body. :)
About 108 Sun Salutations:
The number 108 is considered a sacred number in Hinduism and yoga. It is also the number of beads on a mala (plus the guru bead), the distance connecting the earth, moon, and sun, and in India, there are 108 sacred sites (pithas.) Also in yoga, there are 108 sacred parts of the body (marma points.)
A Sun Salutation (Surya Namaskar) is a series of poses almost always beginning and ending in Mountain Pose (Tadasana.) When doing 108, the series may be exactly the same each time, or they can be changed up a little bit with the instruction of a guide. Here's a video example of a Sun Salutation.
Namaste.
Yesterday I woke up ripe with flared joints carried over from the stress of Thursday. On Friday, I took a "nap" for nearly 6 hours and followed that up with heavy sleep for another 9 hours. Needless to say, I was wiped out. So it was no surprise that my body wasn't feeling hip to the yoga challenge, but I wanted to go to a class. Luckily, there was a Restorative Yoga class late in the afternoon.
I had never been to one of these classes, though I had an idea of what it would be like. It was way more of what my body needed than I could have imagined. The class was guided through really great restorative poses, our bodies supported by props while we stayed in a pose for an extended amount of time. What really made the class special, though...that would be Everitt. This adorable, sweet man was so respectful of our bodies, totally aware that each of us was there to give our bodies a well-deserved break. He had a menagerie of metal bowls, each with their own tone which he played while we were in pose. When class was over, I felt AMAZING. This class was a big "DUH" for me. All of this yoga can take it's toll on a gal, but this class is a remedy for all the pulling and stretching and dancing around I put myself through each week. So I made an adjustment to my weekly schedule and though I'll miss Libby's a.m. class at the South location, I know this class will be exactly what I need to keep me going and prepare me for the days ahead.
Day 14:
Thank you Universe for Restorative Yoga! Without it I am certain I would not have been able to accomplish what I did today. 108 Sun Salutations. That's right. One Hundred and Eight. Actually, I had to stop a few times to rest and fix my hair (it was windy!), so I probably completed 106.
What an invigorating experience! It was a small group that met in Zilker Park across from Barton Springs pool and of the 4 students, one was me, two were my friends, and another girl plus the guide. Our guide was fantastic! She was so kind and encouraging to all of us. She did a few adjustments on me when in Downward-Facing Dog pose, which I totally appreciate. And at the end in Savasana, she laid a lavender eye pillow on our eyes and then went around to each of us to give our shoulders and neck and nice stretch. I'm glad my gals were there to do it with me (Meredith and Narissa, you girls rocked it!) and I look forward to doing it again. Side Note: My legs still feel like jelly and my arms feel like they are going to fall off my body. :)
About 108 Sun Salutations:
The number 108 is considered a sacred number in Hinduism and yoga. It is also the number of beads on a mala (plus the guru bead), the distance connecting the earth, moon, and sun, and in India, there are 108 sacred sites (pithas.) Also in yoga, there are 108 sacred parts of the body (marma points.)
A Sun Salutation (Surya Namaskar) is a series of poses almost always beginning and ending in Mountain Pose (Tadasana.) When doing 108, the series may be exactly the same each time, or they can be changed up a little bit with the instruction of a guide. Here's a video example of a Sun Salutation.
Namaste.
Friday, March 18, 2011
All About Guru Karam
On Wednesday I went to Kundalini of Sound again. I really just want to take a few minutes to talk about Guru Karam.
Guru Karam is a wonderfully wacky woman. She and Mehtab founded Yoga Yoga. They are, in a sense, our yoga mom and pop. What she brings to class is something unique from any other yoga teacher I've ever met. She giggles. She smiles. BIG. She has a talent for balancing fun with seriousness. I adore her.
Her best attribute, other than being a totally rad Kundalini teacher, is her laugh. She does it a lot. And it's never annoying or out of place. It's always in response to how crazy something may seem, though it's purposeful and makes sense. For example, in class on Wednesday she played this crazy fast Indian music and we danced like maniacs. Total free form. She laughed explaining what we were going to do which really set the tone for making the dance our own and using it as a tool to release everything we'd been holding on to. Several students had an emotional release. It was awesome.
Kundalini of Sound is a very different class from Hatha Yoga or any yoga class you might see on an episode of Sex and The City or Friends. There are chanting meditations, singing, and that super awesome gong. It's also a serious workout as poses are easy but quick and repetitive. It's definitely my most favorite class of the week. It really is for all levels and so if you'd like to spice up your yoga practice, I hope you'll join me!
Thank you, Guru Karam, for fostering an amazing yoga community in Austin for so long and for sharing your love of yoga with all of us through your smile and laughter.
Namaste.
Guru Karam is a wonderfully wacky woman. She and Mehtab founded Yoga Yoga. They are, in a sense, our yoga mom and pop. What she brings to class is something unique from any other yoga teacher I've ever met. She giggles. She smiles. BIG. She has a talent for balancing fun with seriousness. I adore her.
 |
| Guru Karam (via yogayoga.com) |
Kundalini of Sound is a very different class from Hatha Yoga or any yoga class you might see on an episode of Sex and The City or Friends. There are chanting meditations, singing, and that super awesome gong. It's also a serious workout as poses are easy but quick and repetitive. It's definitely my most favorite class of the week. It really is for all levels and so if you'd like to spice up your yoga practice, I hope you'll join me!
Thank you, Guru Karam, for fostering an amazing yoga community in Austin for so long and for sharing your love of yoga with all of us through your smile and laughter.
Namaste.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Day 11 -or- The Day I Cried Through Yoga Class
Today was a shit day. It's my blog. I can say shit.
Someone I care about really hurt my heart and all day I carried that pain with me. I cried all day at work and I HATE crying at work. By the end of the day, I was trying to come up with excuses to not go to yoga class. I didn't want to be around people. I wanted beers, maybe a cigarette. Driving home I remembered that this was one of the classes in my beginner's series I had missed last session. So I went.
The stress of the day caused a flare in my joints. Downward-facing dog made my wrists feel like they were going to crack in half. Tree pose was a massive FAIL. My lips were trembling like a little child who lost their blankie while I was trying to not cry. Then we did the Pigeon Pose. Oh, Pigeon Pose, how you slay me. I lost it. I could not stop those tears. The thing about Pigeon Pose is, you're there for quiet a while. It's a very emotionally detoxing pose. I guess it served it's purpose for me, but I'm fairly certain Matt (the new guy from a couple of posts back) thought I was a little nuts. I saw him glance at me. (Sorry, Matt!)
I don't feel better and my heart still hurts. But yoga was there for me when I needed it, even though I didn't want it. What I wanted was a night full of beers and cigarettes. What I needed was yoga. I remember this quote, but I don't remember where I read it:
"The universe will give us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it."
Namaste.
Someone I care about really hurt my heart and all day I carried that pain with me. I cried all day at work and I HATE crying at work. By the end of the day, I was trying to come up with excuses to not go to yoga class. I didn't want to be around people. I wanted beers, maybe a cigarette. Driving home I remembered that this was one of the classes in my beginner's series I had missed last session. So I went.
The stress of the day caused a flare in my joints. Downward-facing dog made my wrists feel like they were going to crack in half. Tree pose was a massive FAIL. My lips were trembling like a little child who lost their blankie while I was trying to not cry. Then we did the Pigeon Pose. Oh, Pigeon Pose, how you slay me. I lost it. I could not stop those tears. The thing about Pigeon Pose is, you're there for quiet a while. It's a very emotionally detoxing pose. I guess it served it's purpose for me, but I'm fairly certain Matt (the new guy from a couple of posts back) thought I was a little nuts. I saw him glance at me. (Sorry, Matt!)
I don't feel better and my heart still hurts. But yoga was there for me when I needed it, even though I didn't want it. What I wanted was a night full of beers and cigarettes. What I needed was yoga. I remember this quote, but I don't remember where I read it:
"The universe will give us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it."
Namaste.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Day 9 -or- The Day I Taught Someone Something
Last night was a beginner's series class, usually taught by Mollie but we had a sub because Mollie's getting married. Congrats Mollie!
Class was good and I learned a few things from our sub Karlie. Karlie teaches a different style of yoga and so having learned most fundamentals from Mollie thus far, I was a little thrown off. But Karlie is a talker and shared a lot insight and talked about the Sutras, which I really like. Love knowing the "whys" of yoga.
After I walked into class and set up my mat and props, a nice guy rolled out his mat next to me and asked if he could ask for my help. He explained that he missed the first two classes of the series and this was his first yoga class ever. So I explained the props to him and talked to him a little about what we learned in the first class. Luckily, I also had an extra set of the handouts from classes 1 and 2 so I gave them to him.
He was right next to me and so during practice I was very aware that he might be looking to me for how to do poses. I put a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself. I fell twice. I somehow cut my toe and had to leave class for a band aid. It wasn't until Savasana I realized that the Universe had honored me with an opportunity to help out someone else also on their own special yoga journey. When Karlie prompted us to show ourselves gratitude for coming to practice and opening our minds to yoga, I also thanked the Universe for allowing me to share my little knowledge with the lovely man next to me and promised to not let it weigh me down the next time.
I know very little about the entire practice of yoga. As I learned last night, people can practice yoga all of their life and never do an Asana (pose.) Yoga means "to unite" in most translations and is a combination of physical, mental, and verbal disciplines. Knowing this about yoga simply reminds me, once again, that I will always be a student of yoga. There is so much to know about this practice, my lifetime could never be long enough. Last night was an opportunity to transfer my passion and my experience to another, and this blog serves that same purpose.
I may have not said thank you enough for allowing me to share with you this journey. You don't have to be here reading this, but you are and I am grateful for you.
Namaste.
Class was good and I learned a few things from our sub Karlie. Karlie teaches a different style of yoga and so having learned most fundamentals from Mollie thus far, I was a little thrown off. But Karlie is a talker and shared a lot insight and talked about the Sutras, which I really like. Love knowing the "whys" of yoga.
After I walked into class and set up my mat and props, a nice guy rolled out his mat next to me and asked if he could ask for my help. He explained that he missed the first two classes of the series and this was his first yoga class ever. So I explained the props to him and talked to him a little about what we learned in the first class. Luckily, I also had an extra set of the handouts from classes 1 and 2 so I gave them to him.
He was right next to me and so during practice I was very aware that he might be looking to me for how to do poses. I put a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself. I fell twice. I somehow cut my toe and had to leave class for a band aid. It wasn't until Savasana I realized that the Universe had honored me with an opportunity to help out someone else also on their own special yoga journey. When Karlie prompted us to show ourselves gratitude for coming to practice and opening our minds to yoga, I also thanked the Universe for allowing me to share my little knowledge with the lovely man next to me and promised to not let it weigh me down the next time.
I know very little about the entire practice of yoga. As I learned last night, people can practice yoga all of their life and never do an Asana (pose.) Yoga means "to unite" in most translations and is a combination of physical, mental, and verbal disciplines. Knowing this about yoga simply reminds me, once again, that I will always be a student of yoga. There is so much to know about this practice, my lifetime could never be long enough. Last night was an opportunity to transfer my passion and my experience to another, and this blog serves that same purpose.
I may have not said thank you enough for allowing me to share with you this journey. You don't have to be here reading this, but you are and I am grateful for you.
Namaste.
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